Examples of terrible if-statement patterns that I have encountered in the real world of “corporate software”.
I think that my friend was trying to have a serious conversation with me here, but I just wanted to play the “how many buzzwords can I fit into a sentence before it becomes too obvious” game.
Does that make me a terrible person?
Yes…yes it does.
Does anyone else pronounce commands in their head as they type them? Another favourite of mine is the Ctrl-Alt-P command in Visual Studio which brings up the Attach To Process window. I always pronounce it “Crap” in my head.
Today when I came in my boss was chortling loudly and flailing what I can only describe as his “horrifying barbed tentacles” in his office; the entirety of his mortal avatar jugruling and flemulating in what might pass for laughter. When he left for lunch, I remoted into his desktop to see what was so funny. I think he’s been staring at that screen all day.
A code inclusion by my real project manager, this occurs in the main game loop of the universe. Note the glaring black on white colour scheme…we’ll try not to hold that against him.
The real trick is keeping the cat alive through the massive gravitational forces generated by this process.
A lot of people have been ripping on Skyrim for having too many bugs. One of the particularly heavily commented on flaws is the ridiculous effect of being clubbed by a Giant (go ahead and youtube it if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll wait). This, however, isn’t really fair criticism. It turns out that Bethesda has actually correctly implemented the physics for the effect that Giant Clubs have on the human body. That in itself is disconcerting since it means they know more than they ought to. Note to self: forward contact information of Bethesda developers on to the “things in charge”. Nobody likes a cocky mortal.
If there’s 2 things that I’ve learned so far, it’s that A: you shouldn’t bother starting a blog around the holidays because you will get far too distracted to post enough and B: Code should be carefully examined before changes are made, and sometimes it is best to just not touch anything. Case in point: I saw this method inside of an otherwise innocuous thread that we spin off daily to do basic database maintenance. The comment was terrifying enough, but I don’t think that you can even USE that crazy unicode character in code.
My first day on the job and I had already found a ton of problems in the code. Here is a snapshot of one particular method and my comments for future improvements.